"Am I already three parts dead ?"
June has 3 important days 22,23 and 25, birthdays of Sachin, Saurabh and Sanchita respectively. Sachin had celebrated his bday at home and sanchita has the same plan. I called saurabh today at sharp 12:30 after midnight to wish him. I did not make him call at 12:00 because he was supposed to be busy in birthday bumps ceremony. And I found him in desired condition. At that time he was pouring his ass.
I called sachin in the evening today. I came to know that he gave a grand birthday treat to our juniors. He specially talked to them about my crush, and you don't believe that every one knows about the hole (you can add w before hole)story. I was gone in past after the talk. Various thoughts about T***t were vacillated continually in my mind. Is I'm in love or is it only attraction ? The mind and the heart were divided into two.
The heart says lets do something so that she would get to know about my feelings. Kartikay status on gtalk was another comment on my condition, "To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead", " so am I". I was falling in love again.
Now second part the mind comes into play. Now when I think logically my mind goes blank. It can not get the thread of the heart any more. first point is," when every one knows about my affair and she doesn't know anything, how so?" Another thing is that she had not given a single reply on my Emails. If she has the same feeling as mine then she did not finish the contacts with me. Now mind haughtiness is at the extreme. The Heart is now getting the thread going on in the mind. My girl might be getting famous/notorious due to me. Her name was added with me and that is why she has broken all the connection with me.
The time came in my life when I finally got it...when, in the midst of all my fears and insanity, I stopped dead in my tracks and somewhere the voice inside my head cried out...ENOUGH!
Enough hue and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.......

I realized it, It is time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appears over the next horizon. I realized that in the real world there are not always fairy tale endings.

I awaken to the fact that I'm not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and thats OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

Finally, with courage in my heart, I'm taking a stand, taking a deep breath, and beginning to design the life I want to live as best I can.

And, a never-ending love story begins... I fall in love with myself.